Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
