Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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