On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize