I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
