My Higher Power is John Stamos
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
