if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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