I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
