You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
