Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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