so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
In other news, I just burned my penis
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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