I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize