i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Fuck appropriateness.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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