my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize