Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
