she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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