Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
