She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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