i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
