I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
