We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
