Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
