i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
