I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
this just has baby written all over it
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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