Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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