I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
