i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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