The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize