I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
he shaved USA in his pubs
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
