just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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