just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You smell like stripper and shame
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
