Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
