Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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