The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
