worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
