Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
