Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
