guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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