Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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