I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
