her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
