i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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