I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i love accidental penises.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
