My hand turned me down
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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