I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
