I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
