I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
