It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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