Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
