So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
