You made me cry and you don't even care
im six kinds of drunk right now
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
