I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
