how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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