morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize