I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
