i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
