I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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