I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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