he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize