the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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