He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
