Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
