I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
