He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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