hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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