Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
