woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize