I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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