Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
