I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
