what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
