drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
