you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
