My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
