haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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