Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
