put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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