So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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