Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We have so much sex to catch up on
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
