dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
