did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
