dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You need Xanax blowdarts
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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